from a man (first draft)

a response to a poem by amy scott


say that word
no
that pathetic term
void of
meaning
thank you society
say that "sorry" word
i could say that
i am sorry
should i?
for the smoke
soaked hotel sheets
and the clothes piled
mounds of used shirts, socks, boxers
on my bedroom floor
the alcohol breath
saying "this is for you"
for my jr. high silence
when john put his hands on you
for my selfish disrespect
when i loved you
your half moved in apartment
your boxes watching us
and i convinced you with
a bottle
you finished
and i took
and came back
with more bottles
more nights
kept taking
caught in your mother's car
when i didnt know what wine tasted like
young
now
just flashes of memories
manifest as bricks
in my stomach
trying to vomit out my shame
instead
learning
from women
beautiful
willing to sit with a man
this man
and give him
reason
to make words from
stomach bricks
that read, "fuck patriarchy"
reason to
admit
everything
to admit
i was the bullshit
you believed in
and the fingertips
you trusted
the voice of oppression

sorry.
no
i am more than that
more than a goddamn word

i am
a belief
a feminist.